apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
