If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
