When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
