dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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