hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
