I smell stomach acid.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
