So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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