i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I want a musical about memes.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
