No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
True strength comes from lack of pants
Randomize
