Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize
