I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
You are the jesus of drinking
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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