Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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