Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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