i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
