Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
