we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
