I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
