"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
