Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
You ruined the universe
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
