I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
