How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
