i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
