I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
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