woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize