I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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