she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
