I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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