im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
