dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
