I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
