Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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