ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Drake has all the answers
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
