Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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