I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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