First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
