FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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