Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
