windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
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