i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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