i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
