I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
