I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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