shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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