i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Randomize
