I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
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