apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
