She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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