Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
