we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
