She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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