just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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