ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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