shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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