I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
