my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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