They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
