I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
