dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
