found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
