dude i'm inner monologue high
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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