One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
he thought i was a dude.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
