I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
