Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
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