she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
